That was unexpected

It is interesting how some things creep up on you and bite.  Those little critters should have been dealt with ages ago, they don’t belong here in the present.  That was your past and that has been handled.

Well, so you thought.

I have been “single” for close to 7 years now.  Yes, I have a committed stable primary relationship, but essentially I am living on my own.  In this time, I have cleared all the ties with my ex-husband, I have refurbished my home with items I like, paid off a chunk of my debt and bought myself a new car.  I am financially stable, looking to move in with my primary partner and happy in my work and choices.

So imagine my surprise at being upset that my ex has built a house and is now furnishing it with top of the range stuff that is costing him a fortune.  It’s all new and super expensive.  A large 4 bed, 3 lounge place that he will rattle around in on his own, with all this stuff – since the kids have moved out.

Yes, I am pleased that he has achieved a dream he has had for a long time.  I am honestly happy for him.

Yet I am pissed off.  I left our relationship of 21 years, with just enough furniture to keep my daughter comfortable, huge levels of debt and more debt just to get some essentials.  And a car that I had to fight for.  He managed to pay off all his debt with money that should have been half mine.  He did do all the necessary for the kids, but it was not a huge expense.

His usual stingy ways seem to have vanished into thin air.   He is spending money at a rate of knots and taking out extra credit for it.  I am pissed because that man was not in attendance when we furnished our first home.  Everything had to be bargained for and if it could be done by hand, why have a machine?

So why am I so pissed off?  My life is good.  I have made it that way.  The ex and I have an amicable relationship, the kids are healthy and happy and I am content in my life.  I suppose some of it boils down to the fact that he has not had to struggle to make ends meet.  He has been better off right from day one and I have fought tooth and nail to get to this point.

There is a level of unfairness here.  Yet, I know in my heart that my way was the only way I would learn to stand on my own.  This was the only way I would grasp the lessons that I kept failing and it would stand me in good stead going forward.  I am capable of making decisions and doing things on my own.

It’s time to let those last critters go.  I have made my choices and they are right for me.  The hurt from this was very unexpected, and I am sure there is more to it than simple envy.  I will work through that as it comes up though.

I wish him well on his journey.  I know he still has some hard days ahead and I will support him, as that is the right thing to do.

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