In Jan I wrote this post about the current state of play. I thought I would do a small update, since big changes have happened and as a result I am feeling better.
Well I resigned from my full-time, on call 24/7 position and found something else. The new role is a senior role, less hands on (well it will be when I sort out some positions) and less hours in respect of I am not on call 24/7. My time is my own after hours. And during hours, my insight and opinion is valued.
I am only 6 weeks in, but I can see the difference this is making already. My stress levels are dropping and I am happier overall. I still need to make my mark here, but I have support.
The good news is that I am less stressed and slowly getting better. My sleep is improving and I am dreaming again! The flip side is all that latent stress is coming out in aches and pains and small issues. Hopefully that will continue to settle over time. I am still far from peak. Tiredness and emotion still get the better of me (thanks long COVID) but I am feeling a little better each day.
A little longer and I may find the mental capacity to start walking again. Just the thought currently makes me exhausted, but I hope a few more months and I will be closer.
Still not where it should be, but it will get better. I need to stop the implusive buying and try and settle for going through my stash(es). I have discovered a taste for vintage / antique items and that is a rather expensive hobby. It is hard to break the habit of seeking that little surge of happiness with a new item. But I need to stop collecting. It’s not healthy.
I am better off now than I was.
But onto other things…
The changes above were not just work related. We also moved suburbs – not quite a tree-change but it could qualify. It is on the north of the city, close to the major airport. The suburb is middle working class, and tidy. Culture shock as it is very different to the south east of the city – the south east is more affluent and snobbish. I am comfortable here, surprisingly. Not that I have illusions of grandeur, but the SE was were we moved to in our big trek to Australia, so it’s all I have known. I am still working out where good cafes and restaurants are, which are the better shopping centres and balancing being close to the office and also wanting my home office. But 6 weeks, so that too will take time.
I am finding time to read and craft. I can’t explain how special that is. My first weekend here I read a book from start to finish, and it was super emotional. Not being rushed to do something work related, where I could just lose myself in a story was amazing. I obviously tried it again and got 5 books read in a weekend – absolute bloody bliss!! My knitting is coming on – slowly as I am doing a big blanket, but I am finding the time and pleasure in working.
2023 has brought big changes. All I can say is that I am glad that I took the plunge. It has worked out well for R and I. We’ll ignore the fact that R fractured his leg in week 1 …
The bonus to all of the good things above? I am wanting to leave the house to do things – my anxiety levels are dropping enough for me to enjoy my times out. I never want to relive my trip to Sydney. the short version is that I dropped a significant amount of money to visit The Sydney Opera House, and see Amadeus with Michael Sheen in the lead. I ended up cancelling the flight, and R drove instead. The day of my big night out, 7 anxiety attacks in public (and not the nice sort) that meant I had to take medication just to be able to go to the show. I never want to have to do that again. And I suppose with hindsight, that was the final trigger for me to make a change before I became worse and a recluse.
So yes, things are looking up. I am keen to explore again, to try new things (a craft retreat where I know nobody) and just to be me. I never realised how much I miss me.