May, autumn and thoughts

Well, we certainly got the year off to a bang! New job, new home, R injured, new ladies group and finally a breath of air for myself. Some days I just wonder how the hell I got here.

It is autumn here in Aus. Cool mornings, interlaced with those Indian summer days, and then the frigid cool evenings that drive you inside searching for comfort food, mulled wine and a good show. I am not generally a fan of autumn or winter, but this year, I will admit to enjoying the change. There is something to be said for a warm dinner and a quiet evening in, dogs wrapped around my feet and a general air of being content. I had almost forgotten what content was.

Nothing is perfect, but right now I can say things are very close to perfect. I am finally, finally able to say I am almost comfortable in my own skin. Yeah I am carrying a bit extra, and I probably could do more to look after my skin, and and and … but I am getting to comfortable in my skin. I am ok with spending money on myself, so that I feel good. Whether I look good, is entirely in the eye of the beholder. And frankly, I don’t care what you think – what I think is more important.

The change in job has done a lot to underline who and what I am. I have walked into a role as a senior and been accepted, encouraged and given autonomy to take charge and do what I was hired for. There is no more doing tasks that are not meant for my level. The charge to my ego and to my confidence has been huge. Always I felt I was just someone meant to do all the stuff no one else wanted to. Now, I KNOW that all that I worked for is appreciated and will be leveraged.

I recently did a photo shoot, and I think that is where this all comes from. I look at the photos and wonder where that woman came from? Who is that woman who is full of confidence? Who is that woman who stands there with her body peaking out from under pearls without a thought, her shoulders thrown back, and not a care on her face? When did I become her?

And of course, as I think about that shoot, it’s autumn in Aus – I realise it’s autumn for me too in my life. I am not old 😉 but I am getting older. I am in that period of my life where some things are still green and new, some are gold / red and in full maturity and some are brown / black and dead or dying. This relates to my body, my friends, my hobbies and everything in general. What is most interesting is that it does not bother me. I am in the autumn of my life and I am displaying all my colour for everyone to see. Proudly.

Ah contentment. I feel the slide of it across my skin and it feels good. Here is to a few more quiet nights in, ladies nights out, debauchery and innocence.

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