It appears there is more time to squeeze in a couple more blogs! It is truly the silly season with people rushing everywhere, spending money they do not have just to impress and overall ending up much unhappier than when they started.
I am doing my best to make this year different from the rest. I am planning around my wants and desires, rather than catering to everyone else. If things work out, then good, if not, well it is not the end of the world.
I have spent the last 2 years making fundamental changes to the way I think, how I react and my overall outlook on life. It has not been easy and the road forward is not easy either, but I am getting better at seeing the obstacles.
2014 was a bad year that culminated in a suicide attempt. 2015 a blur and 2016 was the year I started taking ownership of myself in a whole new way. 2016 I had my first solo travel overseas, which was followed up by two more trips in 2017. Those experiences really helped in solidifying this new path.
I added to that by changing some thought processes. Instead of “I can’t afford that”, “I do not earn enough” or even “I am just so poor”, I began to say, “with some discipline and saving that is within reach”, “I can cover my basics and have left over which is more than what most can say, and I am settling debt”. This has really had a major impact on my life. I actually save money now, I am paying off my debt very well and I have enough to cover basics and still get those odd things I want (and do not really need!).
2017 was a big year of transformation. I made many changes, became more content with who I am as a person and where I want to go. I worked hard at old habits and created some new ones. I shook off some of my ghosts from the past and put in hours of work and effort to be happier.
2018 has been quieter on that front. It has been less frenetic on the self-improvement side and more about laying these new foundations in concrete. I shook off the last of financial dependence on my ex, and as the year draws to a close, have sold the last physical item that tied us together. (Kids don’t count!) I have a relationship that has weathered many storms and we are embarking on some new adventures in 2019.
It has been very hard finding my feet and some days are good and others not so good. Today is an “iffy” day. (Good, meh, iffy and bad is the current rating) I know I need to change the way I think about today – I will allow the emotion and feeling because denying it leads to more issues – and I will do so. Reflecting on how I got here has been a good start.
There is a lot of writing against what is known as the “positivity movement” but I can say that small changes that are worked on consistently do produce fruit. It is not a “get fixed quick” situation and it is more often than not very small things that need to be changed over a long period. Changing the way I perceive money and my lifestyle has been 2 years in the making, and is still a daily process.
Don’t give up!
PS I will often allude to my suicide attempt. This is not a ploy for sympathy or empathy. It is a means for me to negate some of the negativity associated with it. By being open, and having conversations with people, it helps in seeing the warning signs in others (or even self) and assist when allowed to. I am not ashamed by it, I want to educate others that this is more rampant than people realise and often the only stop button is a simple “are you ok?” without any expectation.