2019 … really?

So the second day of 2019 and here I am, no different than I was two days ago or even a week ago.

Normally this is where I would lay out my lofty plans for the year and get right into all the growing and cleansing I will do.  I would tell you all about the things, people and emotion I will eschew.  How my life will be more central and I will listen to myself and my body. The reality is that those lofty ideals are exactly that – ideals.  Pretty soon I will be drawn into the same cycle of procrastination and self-sabotage that I normally am.  I am human, and my failings are legion.

For the last few years I have asked family and friends to give me a word that they feel is right for me.  I have used these as markers for my year.  2016 was particularly good as the words helped me clear my head of so many things and for the first time I found joy and contentment.  2018 had less input from others and I built on creating that safe space in my head and heart.  I lost the trail a little and did not stay focused but overall it was another good year.

2019 for me will really be about gratitude.

I have come a long way emotionally over the last few years.  The biggest changes, as said, occurring in 2016.  I have come across gratitude a lot lately and it resonates with me.  I have a bunch of goals that I would like to start and / or achieve for 2019, but I am aware before I can start this, I need to be grateful for that which I do have. This is not just that surface, “I am grateful for my home etc.”, it is that deep contentment that comes from truly appreciating all that I have and don’t have.  The latter half of that statement is what requires work this year.  I need to be grateful for that which I do not have.

Some things are not meant to happen and by wanting it, or comparing with others, leads to a discontentment and unhappiness.  Then there is failure to appreciate all that is available.  Sounds so simple written down, and the reality is so much harder.

How to be grateful for the not have, for the won’t get or the not you?  This is the lesson I most need to learn this year and I will start by being grateful for all that I do have.  I will still put my desires out into the universe, but I will start small and celebrate all my blessings and learn to celebrate the losses, because then I will become more content and fulfilled.

And in there somewhere, will be the ability to receive more blessing, as the losses will not be devastating, but rather more reason to move on and have more capacity.