It comes for all of us one way or another. And it is a bitch.
I can handle getting older and to some extent I can cope with the idea that parts of my body are now shutting down. But fuck me! Did it have to come with all this other crap too? Seriously?!
The hot flushes happen during the day while I am at work … So no bitching, no crawling into a lukewarm shower, no possibility of hiding beneath the covers (or on top of them) naked and clutching that cool drink… I have to sit quietly and rein in any emotions and breathe. Oh fuck, I have to breathe.
Add to that my brain simply goes into meltdown and I see issues at every fucking corner.
Yes this will be a salty post … I have to vent somewhere!
Every corner. Is my primary hiding something from me? Why won’t my potential partners contact me? Am I too fat? Am I too forward? Do I smell? Am I too abrupt? Is my home / place I stay too bogan (Aussie slang for unsophisticated / unrefined)? And the list goes on…
My poor primary not only has to deal with me at my normal usual obstreperous self, he now has to deal with a woman who is quite literally crazy. Stupid things can set me off – just one word taken out of context and off I go. What is worse is I am standing outside myself watching this farce and I can’t stop it. I know it is irrational, sometimes silly and highly annoying for all involved and the train wreck continues right on schedule.
Today has been particularly bad. The flush has lasted almost 3.5 hours. I still can’t eat my breakfast and my temperature is wildly up there. My body just wants to collapse on itself and I have to sit at work. Gah!
Oh and did I mention that my libido is through the roof? But obviously all at the wrong times.
Yes I am taking something to help with the symptoms. No, I don’t have a period anymore (long story) so that is not an issue. Yes, I am aware that this is just a rant.
Still … I am over this. It’s hopefully the last indignity.