In all likelihood, this will be my last post for 2018. It’s the crazy season and there won’t be time for blogging.
I wanted to say “thank you” to my friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances for the year that was 2018. Thank you for the laughter, the joy, sharing each others lives. Thank you for the tears and arguments, the pain. Thank you for every emotion that held sway in my heart even if it was only for a second or two.
Each and every one of you have helped to strengthen my beliefs or just helped show where they needed adjustment. You have given me new insight into this world and how I fit into it. Sometimes you have shown me the error of my ways, and other times you have simply reinforced my choices.
I have made mistakes this year. Each having a ripple effect I am not always aware of until it hurts. Again, my sincerest apologies for hurting anyone. It is not always possible to repair a hurt, and sorry can be so ineffectual. I don’t regret all of my mistakes, but one or two I do. Yet upon reflection, these have also shown me what lies within my own heart.
I am thankful for the pain, hurt and anxiety. It has helped me become stronger mentally – even on the days where getting out of bed is its own achievement – and allowed me to seek that which gives me joy. My anxiety, no matter how debilitating, gives me a reason every day to keep fighting. It is that final challenge to overcome.
My boredom with things have taught me what is important and what is fleeting. It has shown how easy it is to become narcissistic and only see self. Ennui with social media has shown how narrow our worlds become when that is our only source of validation. Finding activities that challenge me or tap into my creativity rather than focusing on self has been challenging but so worth it.
There have been break-ups and make-ups. Recriminations, shouting and so much love. The love has far outweighed all the downs that have been lived through. The relationships that have meant to be have weathered the year and there is deeper understanding and, dare I say it, love.
Thank you 2018 for making me a better person. For showing me the good and the bad and not holding back. I look forward to 2019 and all that awaits me there.