I have always been a “busy” person. There is always a chore to be done, a project to be completed, some show to see or place to visit. My days get filled up with work, daily flotsam and jetsam and then squeezing in the latest and greatest place to visit or thing to do. There was always this expectation that if you were not doing something, well then you were wasting your time.
Yesterday, I played games on the X-box. There was no definite goal, no start or end time set in stone and no set playlist. It was just time spent doing whatever felt ok. Weird.
I had the best time because for the first time, in I don’t know how long, I actually relaxed. I stopped worrying about the bathroom that needed a clean (and rest of the apartment), and there was no thought about work or the kids or anything. I switched off and played some games with my partner and we had some laughs and ended up cuddling while we played.
It made me sit and wonder how much I lose in the effort to be “busy”. Not that being busy is a bad thing. It is good to fill the calendar with little adventures and to explore the world around you. I have learned so much more about my city and the surroundings just by being open to be a little “busy”.
At the same time I realise that it is good to have those moments of cuddling on the couch, with no absolute end time in sight. That it is possible to just sit and doing something relatively mindless and not to worry about the outcome. It is possible to find ways to postpone all the flotsam and jetsam of daily life and just be. I am not responsible to anyone besides myself.
It was a good day. A really good day. I am learning all the time about what is good for me and what is not, and this is just another small step forward.
Neuroses Undefined 