#metoo, #generalstateofaffairs, #hashtag!

Hashtags, love them, hate them, feel generally ambivalent.  Personally, I just find it another way for people to distance themselves while appearing to be a part of something.  It’s great having this social voice, but for most of us, that is all it is.  An imprint on the internet and no actual involvement.  When push comes to shove, we don’t really get involved.

I was a victim of abuse.  Verbal, mental and physical – triple whammy.  It has taken years for me to finally get to a point where I am not blaming myself, well at least for one of those.  I realise that the person who did that was ill in ways that I could not have had any defence against.  I was innocent and they were at fault, even when one of those episodes was between two people in what society would consider a consensual relationship.

Besides the point, it was not my fault.  Blaming myself just led to issues and relationship dips that I could have done without.  I am stronger now and guard my space tenaciously (and slowly translating that into my finances!) and not allowing those within it that will cause long-term damage.  But I am not a victim, nor am I a survivor.  This is a statement I repeat to myself often.

For me victim is giving my attacker(s) a level of control over my mind that is not warranted.  I was not at fault.  I was harmed and helpless in the situation, but I am NOT a victim.  I will not credit my attacker(s) with any more control over that situation.

I am not a survivor.  I haven’t been left as the last person standing.  I am not able to cope well with difficulties in my life.  I face the same issues that so many others do in their lives and my level of coping depends entirely on what is happening in that moment, not because of what happened years ago.

Now we come to the #metoo movement.  While I am all for exposing abusers and ensuring that we can work, play and live life as females without the fear of said abuse, this has gotten out of hand.  I like an alpha male (do not read dickhead, or arrogant bastard here).  I like a man who knows what he wants, goes about obtaining that ethically and can make decisions.  I enjoy being able to revel in my femininity and letting him be essentially male.  We are not equal.  The sexes have their own strengths and weaknesses, and every person is different.  There is no traditional role.   And there shouldn’t be.

I say it has gone too far because we have emasculated the male.  He cannot approach a woman without fear of being accused of harassment. He cannot be complimentary, every word and deed has to be watched with an intensity that strips him of his natural inclination.  I know of men who have been accused of harassment just by stating that a woman smells nice!  It was a compliment not an advance.  As always, we need to be careful how far we push the boundaries, before we take away everything that makes us who we are – male and female.

I don’t want equality.  I want equity.

equality-vs-equity

#generalstateofaffairs … sorry can’t resist!!  I am coping with day-to-day life as best I can.  Big changes to my diet and trying the keto way.  I am terrified that at my next check-up I will be told I have to do the daily insulin injection.  I am doing my best to balance work, study (I know I couldn’t resist), play and exercise.  Feel like I am failing miserably, but I know it takes a while to make an impact.

I would like to challenge the reader to get involved rather than #hashtag everything.  See how you could make a difference, and sometimes the only form of that is changing something within yourself.  Let’s not go to extremes but rather find the balance to equity in every part of our lives.

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