Staying real

Within all that I have to do and maintain the hardest is to remember to stay real.  It is so easy to get caught up in the hype of being positive and my own super hero and not allowing anxiety to rule me, along with all the other villains, that I forget just to be real.

Being real is different for all of us because we each face a different reality and set of circumstances.  No matter how similar they may appear they are different and when we trade stories and experiences we need to remember that the person receiving will not react / be proactive in the same way we were.  It is easy to dispense advice and so much harder to take it.

Currently R1 and I are trying to (again) overcome a few issues.  We all have triggers from past experiences that trip us up and we fall rather ignominiously in a heap causing issues in our current relationships.  The trick is then to recognise this, deal with them and then move forward understanding the trigger and being able to recognise it well in advance to avoid the next fall (hopefully).  R1 and I are failing at this.  Consistently.

I am also consistently failing at choosing people who will support me when I require them emotionally.  I choose strong people for my inner circle.  People who have it together and provide (as my therapist puts it) a good emotional scaffold.  Yet when I place extra weight on that scaffold it collapses.  It is there for support and assistance, not weight bearing.

So how do I stay real?  How do I find my way through a maze that requires me to be positive in order to keep my life on this change that is exceptionally good and yet still maintain objectivity?   The daily journal  I write is one method of trying to find my way through.  I am wired to make others happy and to place others first and ever since my big trip overseas on my own, this has changed.  I am looking forward to my next trip away (coming soon YAY!!).  Hopefully that will help in this process.

I don’t want to be a poster girl for being falsely positive.  This is hard and every day is a conscious decision to find the good and the happy, even when the day sucks.  The reality is that at the moment being real is not really something I want to be if I am brutally honest.  The nonsense with R1, Ms20 and some of the other issues (that I just legally cannot talk about) are making it that I would rather be in a world of make-believe.  Yet the real world is where I am, and where life is.  So somehow I need to find what is good about today, what is good about this moment and live in right now.  Somehow I need to stay real.

How do you do it?


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