Superhero

I found this on FB today and I needed it thanks to all the stuff that is going on around me at present.

“The women whom I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because shit worked out.  They got that way because shit went wrong and they handled it.  They handled it in a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it.

These women are my superheroes.”

-Elizabeth Gilbert

I need a superhero.  Not a white knight, because their mettle is not yet tested, all that armour is too shiny and clean.  I need someone who is battle scarred and tested.  Someone who has stood and fought demons and won.  Someone who knows what it is to sink to the depths and come back up bloody and determined as ever to fight another day.  I need a superhero.  One who will stand no matter how big the monster is and will face the evil that lies ahead.

As I face what I face, I realise that I need to be a superhero for my kids, especially my daughter.  I need to be the woman described above.  I need to handle my shit and be there for her and show her that it can be done.  Possibly with a little more grace and eloquence than I am doing currently, but it can be done.  Strength is found within us all.  She can find a superhero in me.

Which leads me to the fact that I can find a superhero in me.  I don’t need a Marvel or DC Comic man or woman to help me.  I don’t need someone else to fill that position other than myself.  That does not mean I am not leaning on others for support or assistance to get through this period, it just means that I am finding that well of strength from within myself.

Here is the whole crux of this.  A lot of what I am going through is self-induced because I am allowing what others think and say influence me.  I need to remember that what others say (said) and do (did) is on them and not me, i.e. it is a reflection of who they are and not me.

Life is messy and things are never going to always be upbeat and positive.  I am learning to handle the negativity better and in a more balanced manner.  Instead of bottling everything up, I am learning to expel the stress and fear and find good things to replace those emotions.  I am learning that it is okay to have down moments as long as I find the up again sooner rather than later.

I am my own superhero.  I am bloody, battered and bruised but I will fight another day.  The monsters that I face are not a reflection of me as a person, but reflections of the people who choose to say and do horrid things.  I can and will fight that with positivity and joy.  I may be down some days, because fuck it, it’s hard, but I will prevail.  One step, one day at a time.