How easy is it to misunderstand someone’s meanings and intentions? To flavour those interactions with your own anxiety and disappointment memories?
We’ve had a few of those moments over the last week. Enough to cause, at least in my head, anguish. My heart hurts and my head runs through scenarios at a rate of knots. I am battling to marry words with actions – never mind his, my own don’t align. I will say one thing and then do the exact opposite.
How to move past the “boxed in” feeling and pressure to giving each other room to breathe and enjoy that which we both have chosen? How do I elucidate my own feelings and thoughts, without impinging on his?
Moving in with someone is not easy. The melding and meshing of individual lives takes time and effort. A lot of the “I” has to become “we” and finding that compromise is difficult. We are very different people who happen to be in love. We see past the lust and see each other for who we are.
I keep forgetting that my own history of disappointment and failure should not be the benchmark of measuring a discussion. It is not the norm to which all things will fall if we disagree or are not clear. A no now does not mean forever, it just means now.
It’s a day of misunderstandings and this has a knock on effect on everyone. Right now, I just want to be in my corner huddled with my blanket and book and music and switch off completely. I can’t though. So game face on and let’s get today done.