I am a bit of a control freak, which you may have gleaned by now! I like to know what I am doing and when it is going to happen and roughly what the outcome will be. This helps with my sanity levels and keeps my life on a relatively even keel. However, it means that my stress levels are always high. I am unable to relax because as you can imagine, I am always worried about what will, or could, go wrong, where the next curveball will come from and whether or not I have planned for every contingency.
Life gets difficult when trying to balance on that particular tightrope and more often than not I am losing things, and occasionally myself, into the abyss below.
Ever since the solo trip overseas I have changed. Some of the change feels dramatic to me, and yet it is probably not as dramatic as I think or feel. I am more accepting of the things I cannot change and understanding of my place in the here and now. I grasp that some things are just better left as is – that old adage of let sleeping dogs lie really makes sense.
I still like to have my head wrapped around things and have a good idea of the where, when, why and how but now if it doesn’t happen precisely that way it is okay. If things change it is okay. I am comfortable enough to know that I don’t need to sweat the really small things anymore.
If someone says that they are okay and they don’t mean it, well the problem then lies with them and not with me. I am not responsible for their feelings and I do not need to take that on. I care enough to ask. It is up to them to be honest about their feelings.
I currently have a few important people in my life. I have two whom I love and I am forming relationships with some more people. These fulfill different areas and each one is unique and special to me. What I am loving is that each is accepting of who I am and what I need. There is no jealousy and no desire to make me change or be different. They all just want me to be the best version of me that I can be.
There are new challenges that are coming up and my time management skills are going to be put to the test. I enjoy a life that is full on and filled with busy things. I have also scheduled in play time and down time. This is important too. I am looking forward to growing and expanding and even though I know that there is a lot of tough things ahead I am not stressing as I usually would. I just know that things would work out.
It really is amazing how much I have changed in under 3 months simply by changing a few thoughts. The solo trip overseas and then the way I wanted to look at the world has gone a long way in changing how things are around me. I am making my world positive and happy and I am attracting things that are positive and happy. I am attracting things that are good. I am less stressed even though I am more busy. I seem to have more time and I am just relaxed.
Life is good.
Neuroses Undefined 