Apologies for the break in transmission

I apologise most profusely for the break in transmission. Life in all it’s fucking glory happened and I got lost in the bombardment of noise. As I write that sentence, I am still not sure that I am still not lost in the noise.

Work has been both a blessing and a curse. I am grateful for what I am able to do and that I can still earn. The blessing from this alleviates much of my anxieties about ensuring there is food on the table and a place to stay. The curse part – I am HR. So, along with the senior management, I get to be the one to reduce hours or make positions redundant. It is so hard to watch people you care about have to wrap up and leave the business. It is very hard not to make it personal.

Family have been what family are. Miss23 has been diagnosed with BPD and we are learning how to parent around that. It is hard on so many levels but I know we can get through this. Mr26 is as always, as distant as he can be. Some days I wish they were in their 30s and maybe I could have relationships again. As for the rest of them, the less said the better. I am so, so tired of being the one to pick up all the pieces and solve everything.

There is nothing philosophical for today’s entry. The days have bled into each other to the point where I am not sure of the day or date unless I open my calendar. Stage 4 restrictions mean that I am stuck within a 5km radius of my home.

But as much of a whine session as all the above sounds, I am grateful that I have my health, a home, food on the table, a job, access to speak to people online and the knowledge that my loved ones are also safe and healthy. I have much to be thankful for, and I am every day. I wake up and while in the shower I list my blessings. They are numerous, as even the smallest one counts.

Let’s not forget what we have, while we face what we cannot do.

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