Lessons learned

This is a thing we do at work. We have lessons learned sessions after sales wins and losses, implementations and go-lives. We try and learn what we did well and can replicate, and what we did not do so well and change. We don’t always learn from the lessons learned exercise, but it is becoming more of our cultural DNA.

I would like to do that for 2019 (and maybe a few years before that too). This has been a tough year health wise for me. Migraines, cold / flu and ending it off with kidney stone surgery and recuperation. A lot of what has happened is because of kidney infection – hindsight is a wonderful thing. I know more about my body now, than I did a year ago and I am not sure that is a good thing! šŸ˜‰

As I reflect, I did a few things well. I went to work almost every day and dealt with most of my anxieties in a positive manner. I tried something new at the end of 2018, which did not work but it did coalesce the general feeling I had around being in sales. (It’s not for me). I kept to most of my promises – unless there was a damn good reason to break them – and kept myself reasonably sane by not over promising.

I helped the kids as required and managed to not do too much of an impersonation of my mother (isn’t it scary when your parents come out of your mouth?). Still lots of improvement in this area, but I did manage. I met my ex’s new partner and did not throw a tantrum. I still have the odd feeling of bitterness in that direction, and I am not sure how long it will take for it all to go, but I am genuinely (mostly) happy he is happy.

I stayed reasonably within my budget (we will ignore December šŸ™‚ ). Not enough progress on settling some items, but I have not defaulted, so adulting worked!

What I did not do well was manage my relationship with R. I am uncertain as to how to approach him when voicing concerns or relaying how I feel without sounding like a bitch and / or idiot. It is not that I cannot approach him, it just feels that when I do it either defaults to him knee-jerking or me feeling like I am always at fault.

I also do not do this poly thing particularly well. I want it, as does he, we still seem to be finding how this works for us. I think we both do not seek the right type of person and end up causing more drama than anything is worth. We will keep plugging at it though.

I had a year where everything went spectacularly well. 2016/17 was about that time. I travelled, work was great, and my mental state was just great. Somehow everything fell apart and I am still not sure how or why. I remember that year having plenty of time for hobbies, activities and all sorts of things. The change has meant that finding any time has disappeared. I seem to be more time poor.

I want and need to get that feeling back. I need to feel like I am in control and not pushed for every second of every day. In light of this, I am working to set up some mantras – well actually more just daily affirmations to help me make 2020 productive, fun and easy.

This is the most important one: Don’t compare.

I know I have stolen a lot of my own happiness by comparing to others. My size, my dress sense, my family, my home, my car, my partner, my income and my choices. I have caught myself comparing every little thing right down to the smallest detail. It is tiring and draining and very unproductive. In fact it leaves me feeling useless and a failure.

So for 2020 my theme is don’t compare. I have to like me first, and that means I won’t make everyone happy. I will learn to love me again – I just want to get to like.

What is your theme for 2020? Have you got any lessons learned?

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