There is this prompt that does the rounds that tells you to blog using the alphabet as your guide. Each letter becomes a blog. I decided that as a challenge, this would be good to get me blogging every day.
G = grieve
To grieve is to feel intense sorrow or to cause great distress to someone. I will ignore the second bit of that, and concentrate on feeling intense sorrow. I don’t think we give that process enough due.
It is an important part of our experiences and too often we are putting on a brave face and so busy moving forward that we do not allow ourselves a chance to work through all that was before.
Part of being happy, means having made peace with the past. It is letting go of ideals and dreams and walking forward knowing that it is laid to rest. As my dreams remind me, I haven’t done that yet. Still people feature that I am well aware the relationship is over. It has evolved to something else and I am still stuck on the earliest renditions.
I haven’t grieved the ending of that relationship. I was too busy finding something new and being fulfilled. Now as I embark on a new phase in my most important relationship, I am finding that the lack of proper grieving is causing more hurt and anguish. I can only see all my faults and all the things that can go wrong.
If we allowed ourselves the grieving process, I wonder how much better our lives would be going forward? I am not bitter and I never regret my choices, I just feel had I grieved properly, I would be more content now. Maybe it is not too late to find a spot and let it out. Knowing me though, this will be a process and not a get it over and done exercise.
So, I am giving myself permission to grieve – that which is done, that which I cannot have, that which has hurt and disappointed me and that which has left me feeling unloved and unwanted my whole life. It is time to let it wash away so that I can only see the jewels left behind.