New year, weight loss and all of that stuff

11 days into 2018 and I am making time to do this little journal.  I need to go and finish my 2017 year posts (I was really bad at keeping up) and consider if I will do the same for 2018 or stick to monthly updates instead.

I am facing a few challenges this early in the year.  The biggest one being my health.  I received a diagnosis of type 2 diabetes just before Christmas and the result was that I binged … very grown-up and mature!  It has taken a lot to actually get used to the idea, to realise that I have little choice and I need to make some changes.

Queue an appointment with a dietitian and realising that it was a waste of time.  It is all a “cut and paste” job – no individual assistance or input.  So I am reverting to the choices I made before said appointment.  Change in diet, more specifically one  that will assist with fat loss but also ensure that things are eaten in the correct portions.   Then it’s the exercise.  The bane of my existence.

I loathe exercise.  I know that if I maintain it, I feel good, I have energy and I sleep better.  But man, it is an effort.  So this won’t be a 21-day do it and it’s a habit … I am going to have to really keep reminding myself WHY I need to exercise.  My doctor gave me a choice – change my diet and lifestyle or have to take medication and inject myself daily.  I chose the first because in the long term that is the better option.

Now I have to face those internal demons and go to gym.  I have to work out with others who are fitter and leaner and who will judge.  I am going to get the eyeroll and not the help.  But I need to persevere.

On other notes, my children and I are estranged.  Feels weird to actually say it now.  They are in their 20s and I get that they need to make a break etc. but it hurts.  There are days when I feel completely lost and not a part of anything.  Strange how that defined my life and now it’s hard to let go.

No resolutions for 2018.  I just want to enjoy the year.  2017 was good in so many ways – a year I can finally say was not a disaster.  2018 I want to make another good year, get fitter and pay down my debt.  I want to be kinder to myself this year.  So no resolutions.  Just a desire to find the good no matter what.

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