Quite a valid question today I think.
I am questioning quite a few things at the moment. Not least of all what is my true passion and why it is that I seem to hop from one project to the next. I seem to be a little adrift.
I have never fully investigated the source of my ability to multi-task the way that I do. I am happiest when I have multiple things on the go at once, and generally the more involved the happier I am. If life is too even paced then I get a little ring-fenced and try to escape. I have multiple hobbies and I am no expert in any of them, which is perfectly okay with me. I am good at all of them, and I do very well. I choose not to be an expert – I do not want to be a trainer or lead others. I learn so that I am able to produce items that in my opinion do not embarrass me and can stand on their own right.
Knowledge is the thing I thirst for the most. It does not necessarily need to promote me in certain fields, but it gives me a power. That in itself says something and I am failing to see what. I did not grow up without access to knowledge. I may have been denied a chance to go to university but I have made up for that as an adult. I did other things instead and I do not regret those in hindsight, although we may have been a little young at the time.
Yet after a period of time I get “bored” of the knowledge that I carry and I go looking for new knowledge. Constantly seeking new to replace the old. An example is that I taught myself to crochet in under 6 weeks – and complicated stitches. I am now on my 3rd or 4th stitch and in the process building a gift for a friend. I have been crocheting for about 6 months in total and have made a blanket already using a very difficult binding stitch. I am not bragging just showing that for some reason I can’t choose the easy path when there very clearly is an easy path. I have many other hobbies that I could have stuck to instead – yet I had to go and learn a new one.
I am already looking into new hobbies such as lacemaking and quilt making …
Funnily enough I can sit still for extended periods if required and there are times when someone will say “did you see xx?” and I will affirm it, having seen nothing of the sort. I may have identified a shape but the details eluded me. It is almost as though the world has no context at all. Either I am here or I am not. No inbetween.
There is the crux I suppose. I am either up or down. No inbetween. Today it is grinding a little more than usual.
This blog makes absolutely no sense … more than likely … just the way I am feeling. Thanks for stopping by anyway 🙂
Neuroses Undefined 