Is there something wrong with me?

Quite a valid question today I think.

I am questioning quite a few things at the moment.  Not least of all what is my true passion and why it is that I seem to hop from one project to the next.  I seem to be a little adrift.

I have never fully investigated the source of my ability to multi-task the way that I do.  I am happiest when I have multiple things on the go at once, and generally the more involved the happier I am.  If life is too even paced then I get a little ring-fenced and try to escape.  I have multiple hobbies and I am no expert in any of them, which is perfectly okay with me.  I am good at all of them, and I do very well.  I choose not to be an expert – I do not want to be a trainer or lead others.  I learn so that I am able to produce items that in my opinion do not embarrass me and can stand on their own right.

Knowledge is the thing I thirst for the most.  It does not necessarily need to promote me in certain fields, but it gives me a power.  That in itself says something and I am failing to see what.  I did not grow up without access to knowledge.  I may have been denied a chance to go to university but I have made up for that as an adult.  I did other things instead and I do not regret those in hindsight, although we may have been a little young at the time.

Yet after a period of time I get “bored” of the knowledge that I carry and I go looking for new knowledge.  Constantly seeking new to replace the old.  An example is that I taught myself to crochet in under 6 weeks – and complicated stitches.  I am now on my 3rd or 4th stitch and in the process building a gift for a friend.  I have been crocheting for about 6 months in total and have made a blanket already using a very difficult binding stitch.  I am not bragging just showing that for some reason I can’t choose the easy path when there very clearly is an easy path.  I have many other hobbies that I could have stuck to instead – yet I had to go and learn a new one.

I am already looking into new hobbies such as lacemaking and quilt making …

Funnily enough I can sit still for extended periods if required and there are times when someone will say “did you see xx?” and I will affirm it, having seen nothing of the sort.  I may have identified a shape but the details eluded me.  It is almost as though the world has no context at all.  Either I am here or I am not. No inbetween.

There is the crux I suppose.  I am either up or down.  No inbetween.   Today it is grinding a little more than usual.

This blog makes absolutely no sense … more than likely … just the way I am feeling.  Thanks for stopping by anyway 🙂


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