I wonder for whose benefit we actually go?  I have discovered that this is something that I require.  An objective third party that I can talk to, vent to and state my feelings and thoughts to without fear of judgement – although that does happen from time to time.  I am on the whole, able to state what is going on in my head and resolve for myself a solution.

The thing is, I don’t need someone to solve my problems, I just need a safe place to resolve them.  It’s the aftermath of these sessions that leaves me feeling like I am driftwood on the ocean’s surface.  Then I come to work.

I have been working hard on staying positive and keeping calm irrespective of what I face.  This is not easy in the grand scheme of things.  As the quote goes (or something along those lines): It is easy being heavy and hard to be light.  Finding light words and a smile when all you want to do is cry or yell or ask why is really difficult.

Therapy allows me to do the asking and then rationalise to a certain extent why people behave the way they do.  It also allows me the chance to see how my actions are changing those around me.  How I am creating the change I need to see in the relationships that are important to me.   I am seeing how my change is creating fissures in other relationships where I am more confident and now less reliant on certain people.  This is creating some friction and I need to learn how to work around this and maintain the balance as it involves a team and management.

I need less negative input which in hindsight was something I sought because at least it was input.  Now I am seeking positive input and receiving it, as that is what I myself am sending out into the universe.  That which you send out, you receive.  I am able to say no, in a manner that allows the other person to see that I do not mean harm but am protecting myself.  I am able to sever ties that no longer do me any good, that are draining and hurting and do so with a clear conscience.

Therapy is good although I still do wonder who we do it for?  The blog above says I am doing it for me.  I see the benefits and I suppose that’s what I needed to work out rather graphically.  I had a session today and it left my heart in a little mess.  I have choices that may or may not come up.  With those choices come consequences and even tougher choices.  I will do what is right at the time.  Each step needs to be considered and weighed carefully because there is more than just one in the balance.

Yet, I am at peace.  The positive thoughts and process does help dealing with what lies ahead.  I have more fortitude and patience.  I feel able to handle what is coming.   No matter how easy it is to be heavy right now, I am going to find my smile.  The sun is attempting to push through the clouds, I have a date tonight and there are a myriad of other blessings.  Life is good.


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