It is Wednesday and it feels like Friday … actually no, it feels like I should be somewhere in November and not the 3rd day of February due to the exhaustion I feel. I am literally running on fumes and I have no fucking idea why.
Yesterday I obediently trotted off to the “experts” my doctor had recommended. Now that is in parenthesis because I tried those a number of years before and a toddler could have given me better advice. So I was a little (no a LOT) skeptical and cynical. The physiologist (just a fancy name for a PT trainer) did not tell me anything I didn’t know. But she did manage to bamboozle me into a group training session … I am still not sure how that happened but it did. The dietician (oh thank you diabetes for assuming I do not know how to eat healthy) was down to earth and was not interested in my losing weight as much as just decreasing my girth. I have no BMI magic number to follow and they both said this will take time, so no magic this all goes away in 3 months. So a little less cynical this time around.
I loathe exercise. I have no “happy” endorphins. Just nausea and feeling like shit. So let me set the scene – which will be my reality next Saturday. I hate exercise. I hate form fitting clothes as they show every bump and crevice – so track pants are ONLY ever worn inside where no one will see me. I hate running out of air after the smallest amount of exertion and having a face so red it could be used as a traffic signal. I hate feeling like I am the one being watched. And I am going to go to a group exercise at 930am on a Saturday morning and jiggle and wiggle and feel like a complete idiot.
I know no one is really watching and paying attention – except for the cute instructor with the washboard abs and gorgeous tan and smile! You know the one you’d happily do a tango with irrespective of gender. And since I like both genders this can be problematic. Saturday is going to be a lesson in me trying to switch off my head and pretend I am the only person in class. I was told I could pick a class and her suggestion just made me want to disappear. I am so not going to go to a class where all I can think about is eating and drinking all sorts of goodies off the flat washboard that makes up her suggestion (yes he was in the room at the time, I take no responsibility for my mind wandering when faced with conversations that are confronting).
This will be good for me in the long run, I know this. I just don’t have to be happy about it. Of course all of this is highlighted by the fact that the results of tests I had done 1.5 weeks ago are still not with my doctor. Hopefully some idiot has just forgotten to pass them on cause it should have been there by now. Those are important tests and will determine a few things. The receptionist told me to call daily to check the status of those. So one more task added to the to-do list.
Are we done yet – just with the week? Or can I have a do-over where I have more energy? Sigh.
Neuroses Undefined 
I hear you on all of this, sure do.
We spend all this time running around to “specialists” who may or may not be well-meaning (I don’t know them and cannot vouch for their sincerity) but the end result is that I usually don’t gain anything helpful from the experiences. Every bit of “wisdom” is not new to me. Thank you for trying, but still.
I do not like exercise or exercise classes, for most of the very reasons you list. Now, full, disclosure, I used to go to the gym all the time. As in 4 or 5 days a week, for years. (There would be gaps in there, of course, where I would get sick of it and need a break for a while, but I always got back in the loop at some point.) Yet, even then, I avoided classes. Everything I did was solitary and prompted by my own mind, not hollered out by someone with 0% body fat.
Sadly, I retired nearly six years ago, and everything changed. I don’t have a schedule or any sense of structure in my life, and it shows, especially in my bathroom mirror. I haven’t seen the inside of a gym in those six years. I do, from time to time, get on the treadmill that is parked near my writing desk (I can reach out a touch it!) but that is happening more and more rarely. My metabolism is just not what it used to be and the URGE is just not there.
All that aside, please keep me posted on your Great Exercise Adventure, seriously. If you manage to get in the groove and actually enjoy the experience, it will give me an incentive to do the same. Things are often easier with a buddy, even if we’re just eating goodies off a flat washboard… 😉
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I am sure there will be lots of posts on my Great Exercise (Mis)Adventure. It was about 6 years ago that I too fell off the movement bandwagon. A buddy is most welcome – especially when eating goodies off a flat washboard.
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I had a flat washboard – 30 years ago.
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If you stick with it you will find that things improve. My great suggestion is that you start walking. Walk here, walk there, try to get as many consecutive steps in a row as possible. Intentionally walk to get a little out of breath – NOT gasping for breath – and keep that up for as long as possible.
Do that regularly and in a month you will notice you are walking much farther than you did before. When I started hiking, just a couple of miles or any elevation gain at all exhausted me. Now things are much better. My hikes are common posts on my blog.
The endorphins don’t really start kicking in until you are in pretty good shape. I hike ten miles with a 20 lb pack over a couple thousand feet of elevation gain and loss and then I’m starting to feel “runner’s high,” a kind of euphoria where the pain goes away and all is right with the world. (Some people never feel it.) To other people who are more active in hiking, this is nothing at all and would have to go much farther with a heavier load for the same thing. I am still passed by far more people than I pass on the trail.
But soon after I start hiking, something more important starts happening. It is almost like the increased blood circulation cleans out all the cobwebs and crap in my head. While I’m hiking I feel a bit of mental clarity I didn’t have before. A lot of people discover that even a moderate stroll helps them think.
Muscles are capable of metabolizing glucose even without insulin if they are working. That’s why exercise is good for diabetes, especially type II. (This doesn’t mean you chow down on a snickers bar before a workout.).
And of course, due to COVID and winter, I’ve hardly hiked at all for 3 months and lost much of that marvelous conditioning. And back came an unwelcome 10 lbs. Back to the trails again.
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Walking is sort of part of the week (not as often as it should) thanks to two puppies. Great suggestions thank you
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