Being at peace

Quick note, I am working on a post a day. So please be patient with me 🙂

As you are all aware, R and I are poly. Now many people do not understand this, and generally take it down to the common denominator which is that we have an open relationship. This is true with a little more complexity.

R has a GF that I fully admit that he does not get to see often. For various reasons this is not as regular as he, or she would like. Added to that for the last few visits I have not been the most gracious or accepting.

Now I get that I am still learning this compersion thing. I want him to be happy, I need him to get all his spaces full, but I am still prone to envy. Note that I did not say jealousy. It is envy as I would like some of that too. Life gets in the way when you are 24/7 with someone and it is easy to get into a space of complacency and routine.

Be that all as it may, R went off to the GF this weekend. Still not the easiest thing by any stretch of the imagination BUT there were no scenes when he got home. No acrimonious discussion.

I had had a good night while he was gone. I read a book cover to cover, started 2 more, had a good dinner and relaxed. I spent time on me doing what I need and love and often set aside. I woke up in the morning, fed puppy and got in another snooze. Then I got to do some knitting and watch some tv. Just things that I wanted to do, when I wanted to do them and no concern about short changing anyone.

I am not sure that I won’t be a bitch the next time it happens, but I know that this time around I was more at peace. I was less concerned with what I felt I wasn’t getting and more concerned with filling my own empty spaces with things that give me joy.

It is a learning curve and let no one tell you any differently. You have good days, bad days and in-between days. This was a good day. My magic Monday reflection.

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