There is this prompt that does the rounds that tells you to blog using the alphabet as your guide. Each letter becomes a blog. I decided that as a challenge, this would be good to get me blogging every day.
Y = you
I had a whole lot of ideas on this today – youth, yearn, young, yellow (maybe another time!). But you kind of snuck up on me. If you have read some prior posts, you will know that I don’t edit my work and I generally just write what I am thinking. So this is definitely going to be one of those rambles.
You is a word I have heard a lot of lately. “You are important”, “you need to take care of you”, “you deserve to be happy”, “you {add in latest buzzwords}”.
I am not trying to negate all of this, I am trying to grasp a concept here – again. I am well aware that if I do not take care of myself, I am unable to take care of others. I work hard, so yes, I do deserve the rewards / small pleasures I allow myself. Happiness is how we cope in a very unstable world and suffering should be alleviated, where possible.
So if I understand that, and head and heart are reasonably aligned, tell me why when people start on those “you” phrases I cringe? I am not built to be selfish, and yes this bites me in the arse more often than I would care to admit. I am not built, nor was I conditioned, to place myself first. By seeing that others are happy, this is where I gain some of my own contentment.
I will often tell others that “you are important, care for yourself” and I am very slow to take my own advice. I will often drive myself to breaking point before I stop and take care of me.
Last night though I learned a valuable lesson again. Work has been tough the last few months, fuck! life has been tough the last few months. I just cannot seem to find even ground, just so that I can breathe. Anyway, back to last night. R and I went out with friends and had dinner and conversation. For about 4-5 hours, I switched off work and kids and everything else. All I did was enjoy the company and have a meal and chat about all sorts of inconsequential stuff.
The best part, is I slept for the first time in days. I woke up this morning with no headache, no stiff and sore body from lack of sleep and stress. My mind was clear and I was able to concentrate on what needed to be done next.
So I suppose the lesson for me is that, yes I am important and yes I do need to switch off so that I can be who I need to be. I will try and listen more to the “you need to take care of you”.
Neuroses Undefined 