Not wanted

How do you cope when you feel not wanted? Me, I completely stop functioning. Can’t eat, sleep and that send my body into this weird pain filled place.

It’s not entirely a pity party. I just feel unwanted. There are friends who read this and will feel guilty or say that they have chatted to me.

This is different.

I’m supposed to have other bf’s but they are busy. I start new conversations and we share photos or I ask to meet and they ghost.

Fuck for just cuddles even the dog prefers R.

The kids are busy.

Maybe it is a pity party. Meh.

But seriously right now I feel like the most unattractive woman in the world. It feels like people get to a level and then back off.

This would all be fine if I didn’t have a heart. If I didn’t feel. Instead I spend hours crying. Hours in pain. And I know nothing will change once this clears.

I’ll still be me. I’ll still have feelings and I’ll still be unwanted more than I am wanted. Sometimes it’s hard to let go when the evidence keeps stacking tgat way, even after you’ve changed your habits.

I know this is a depression cycle. I am well aware in the background that things will find an equilibrium. I’m also aware that this is my reality. And every now and again, it rears up to ensure I don’t lose sight.