It’s been a weird week. We’re on holiday and it feels less like a holiday and more like a battle uphill.
Tassie has been on the to do list for a while. I have good memories of this place, yet at the moment I can’t dredge up one. Tassie is feeling wrong, and it’s bleeding into my relationship with R.
To add to that, menopause decided now would be good to be full on, it’s probably around that time of the month (craving sweet) and I can’t stop the emotions.
So here I am, miles from home, feeling displaced and further from my touch stones than ever. It’s affecting R, because unfortunately he can’t win whether he steps back or tries to fix everything. I am that ornery.
In spite of everything, there have been some really good moments. Laughs, new sights and lots of time spent just together.
I am finding that I still haven’t dealt properly with some of the big items around poly. Finding balance between my need to be the one (never the only) and allowing things to flow is hard.
That’s where the lesson lies. My emotions and feelings are OK. I’m OK with never being the only, but I do want to be the one. There will be days when poly is easy and there will be days (or weeks) where it is hard and that is also OK. Just because it isn’t flowing today, or this week, doesn’t mean it’s broken.
So here’s to a quiet night in and just trying to let it flow.
Neuroses Undefined 