I started living a life true to myself 7 years ago. It took another year to fully embrace it but here I am being true to my own nature.
I do not regret the years before that. They gave me 2 children for whom I have an everlasting love. I had a young woman’s romance and it taught me a lot about myself and what I am willing to compromise for the future. I was able to live in a home of my own with my young family and learned how to do for myself.
But 7 years ago I started living for myself and 6 years ago I made the move. More like a leap, but who is looking at distance?
In the last 6 years, there have been tears, empty nests, suicide attempts, purging of the old, relationship up and downs, and really discovering who I am. There is something magical about the 7 year mark. For me, it is showing me how much I have grown, how much more content I am within my own skin.
Don’t get me wrong. Anxiety is still a big part of my life. Depression is a constant battle. I am far from “fixed” or “perfect”. I am learning to be less concerned with others thoughts of myself though. I am finding that I am ok with being a couch potato some days and an overactive social butterfly others. If it looks confusing to others, it just means that they don’t really know me. What is liberating is that I don’t have to explain it.
It is a real freedom when there is no pretence. There is no mask that I have to don in order to fit in anywhere. I wear my own face and those who choose to stick around are loved with no pretence. On the odd occasion I find myself donning a mask in order not to make others uncomfortable. It is hard during these times and as time progresses they are less and less within my circle. I will still interact, just not as often, for their sake and mine.
Life is good – I need to remember this as the next load of challenges approach. It all honesty it really is good. The decision I made 7 years ago to walk away from a 20-year relationship that was stifling, and live true to my own desires (and harm none) was the best I have made. For all the bad that has happened and the scars that I bear, staying would have destroyed my soul.
Now onto the next 7 years 🙂