Time flies

I started living a life true to myself 7 years ago.  It took another year to fully embrace it but here I am being true to my own nature.

I do not regret the years before that.  They gave me 2 children for whom I have an everlasting love.  I had a young woman’s romance and it taught me a lot about myself and what I am willing to compromise for the future.  I was able to live in a home of my own with my young family and learned how to do for myself.

But 7 years ago I started living for myself and 6 years ago I made the move.  More like a leap, but who is looking at distance?

In the last 6 years, there have been tears, empty nests, suicide attempts, purging of the old, relationship up and downs, and really discovering who I am.  There is something magical about the 7 year mark.  For me, it is showing me how much I have grown, how much more content I am within my own skin.

Don’t get me wrong.  Anxiety is still a big part of my life.  Depression is a constant battle.  I am far from “fixed” or “perfect”.  I am learning to be less concerned with others thoughts of myself though.  I am finding that I am ok with being a couch potato some days and an overactive social butterfly others.  If it looks confusing to others, it just means that they don’t really know me.  What is liberating is that I don’t have to explain it.

It is a real freedom when there is no pretence.  There is no mask that I have to don in order to fit in anywhere.  I wear my own face and those who choose to stick around are loved with no pretence. On the odd occasion I find myself donning a mask in order not to make others uncomfortable.  It is hard during these times and as time progresses they are less and less within my circle.  I will still interact, just not as often, for their sake and mine.

Life is good – I need to remember this as the next load of challenges approach.  It all honesty it really is good.  The decision I made 7 years ago to walk away from a 20-year relationship that was stifling, and live true to my own desires (and harm none) was the best I have made.  For all the bad that has happened and the scars that I bear, staying would have destroyed my soul.

Now onto the next 7 years 🙂