I ran across the image below in one of my super random wanderings.
I have been pondering this quote since then, because well, it isn’t really true is it? We don’t get to be the hero every time. We certainly are not victims (fuck I really loathe that word because then we have to be survivors which just feels like another cop out, I’ll explain another day). We do get to choose to a degree what is on our pages, but some of what is there is due to the consequences of our choices.
a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment ; a person who is tricked or duped.
The only definition I agree with is: a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action (but where other event or action does not cause definitions as above* my addition)
I was abused as a child and young adult sexually, the mental and emotional abuse only stopped a decade ago, although there are lingering traces of same. Having said, this does not make me a victim. I am not helpless or passive, I wasn’t tricked or duped. Let’s take the second lot first – the emotional abuse I was aware of – no one tricked me into believing that gaslighting was not occurring. I knew it, understood it and accepted it – at that point in time. My reasons are quite simple – I did not feel worthy of better. That changed.
Sexual abuse has not left me helpless or passive. Ask anyone I know what a little virago I can be 😉 I will admit to feeling that for a while, but that changed when I faced my first abuser. He was old, small and I realised that my feelings and emotions were making him bigger than he deserved to be. He was the one who should be feeling helpless and passive – a man so weak that he preyed on those younger and more vulnerable. Not truly a man. (Oh yes, I have very passionate feelings on what should be done to predators of this nature.)
I am also not the hero of my own story every time there is a challenge or issue, I am often, but not always. Sometimes there are others who fill that role for me. R when he showed me that I was worthy of more, C when he accepted my suicide attempt and did all he could to help me through that with our kids, RV for showing me that not all bosses are cruel and determined to destroy you, HvdM for showing me what loyalty looks like and what can be gained by giving someone a chance, and so on. We need others to be the hero in our story occasionally. They give us depth and perception, otherwise we would be a rather ineffectual 2D type hero.
The last part is that we choose what goes on our page and what lives in our minds and shapes our realities. But again that feels so one-sided. What about the consequences of your choices? Do you get to just wipe those away and ignore them? They don’t fit your page therefore they do not exist? How arrogant to think that we can ignore consequences. How oblivious must we be to all that is around us, when we feel our actions, our words have no bearing on our story.
Disclaimer, this is from a onlookers point of view only.
Having seen the absolute debacle that reigned yesterday at the Capitol Building, this quote hit home hard. Trump egged those people on (I haven’t seen anything to the contrary) and now it feels like he is choosing what he wants on his page. He is choosing to ignore the consequences of his words and actions particularly over the last few months and just wants to believe his side of the story. In his eyes, he is the hero and victim simultaneously. I hope that Biden / Harris are able to repair some of the damage this man has caused and bring together a nation deeply divided.
Politics aside, and for those playing, yes I know Australia has issues. I would like nothing better than to have our incumbent move on. He has no spine that one. You can never find him in a crisis, but he is always happy to take credit where none is due.
But politics fully aside, we need to be careful about the things we grab onto and make a motto / thing to live by. We need to consider it, look for the whole context and ensure it really is tying back to our core values. The quote here seems to self-serving, too blinkered. I have many flaws which make me more interesting and more faceted as a person. There is always an opportunity to learn, to grow and to change. Sometimes that isn’t always pretty and it can definitely take on the features of a villain, but it is me and in the end makes me more rounded.