What can I add?

That hasn’t been said, dissected or analysed already? What can I hope to add to the noise that it out there currently? I don’t want to be one of those people perceived as having toxic positivity, nor do I want to be Negative Nelly! This blog is supposed to be about me and my journey and this virus is about us and we.

I am now on week 7 of being home full time. In this time I have not been a domestic goddess, nor a crafting wizard. I have barely changed my routine much. I am more fatigued and less able to maintain that veneer between social nicety and my home persona.

I haven’t managed to decrease any WIP for my craft – instead I seem to have started a whole bunch more. That lofty goal of losing weight and becoming fit is no nearer a start then it was at the beginning of the year when the madness started. I find that just thinking about cleaning or tidying (no matter how much it is needed) makes my head hurt and my body wants to sleep. But of course sleep is nowhere to be found.

Work vacillates between wildly busy and intense to dead quiet ~ cemeteries have more action! The responsibility weighs heavy to get things right. The knowledge that we will have to make serious choices as management bites my conscience deep in the night.

On a personal front, living with someone literally 24/7 is interesting. It hasn’t been the blood bath I imagined, but it has been no walk along the beach either! Of course intimacy is not happening because we added to our little family. Sherlock now has a friend, Dora. She is full of life and a perfect companion to our Jack Russell who has boundless energy.

The kids lost their jobs. The youngest being hardest hit. It would be her – and now we are dealing with all the other stuff that comes with it too.

What have I learned in the last 7 weeks?

  • It always looks greener in someone else’s garden, mainly because I am forgetting to water my own
  • The majority want to do the right thing, but there is always an asshole somewhere fucking it up in general
  • I live in a country where we bitch about our government, but they have done exceptionally well considering the circumstances
  • I have work, a home (albeit not mine), food every day and my dogs – I am fucking lucky
  • Humans are fucking predictable as we place all this extra nonsense and pressure “to have learned something new, tried something new or else we are lazy” bullshit during a really trying time. We can’t just be.
  • Productivity is not an indication of doing or coping well
  • It is okay not to react when someone expects you to, or you always have. Sometimes the best thing is just to let it go, even if you look like a callous bastard.
  • Sleep is underrated
  • As is genuine down time
  • We may be stuck at home, but now is probably the BEST time to take leave

December I was having surgery for kidney stones, and my doctor wittily said that it will pass, a little like a kidney stone, but the time of pain and misery will pass. Trust me when I say I do not wish that level of pain on anyone. It is worse than childbirth and I have been there with no meds twice … I would still do childbirth again before kidney stones.

I digress. This virus has shown that we are all fallible. Money, status, power means nothing to this disease. Your health has little to no bearing either. It is like death – it does not discriminate. This disease will pass too, a lot more painfully than a kidney stone, but it will pass.

It will leave scars and memories. It will teach us to watch what we do, to consider others a little more and to think. We will consider what is of importance to us and it will show in how we go forward. In the short term we will water our own gardens and take pleasure and pride in what we can accomplish.

It will also be forgotten in years to come. We will cycle through selfishness and greed once more. We will look for the quick fix and quick $$$. Too cynical?

7 weeks in lockdown and only leaving the house for necessities and I realise what truly is necessity. It’s my family, my work, my dogs and most of all it is me. This situation has made me come to terms with the fact that I was on a destructive path. I am taking the first steps away from that.

What are you changing, if anything? Because we do not need to look for change always. Sometimes right now is just perfect.


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