We are officially 69 days (yeah yeah I get it … but it was completely unintentional … I think 😉 ) into 2021 and I am adding up the moments. It feels like years have passed in those days and in order to slow it down, I am counting moments.
Like Day 65 where we did a trip to Sassafras and visited Miss Marple’s tearoom. I have a serious thing for tea and scones with jam and cream. Or Day 63 where I officially completed 2 weeks of aqua classes. Day 58 is the day I spent time with my youngest and it was the first time in a very long time that we were comfortable with each other. Day 38 was the day I started and finished a book in one sitting. One of the most memorable is Day 34 when people I have only met here, offered support and encouragement for what I face ahead.
It is those reflections, only 1 per day, that helps through all the uncertainty and non answers.
Short update – oncologist says he can’t find anything abnormal which is great news. But it doesn’t answer the question as to why I am continually testing positive. His response yesterday to that precise question was “Well, it’s just your bad luck!”. Very helpful … not. I have another range of bloodwork to be done and back again to discuss results but basically I am going to be tested every year until there is a negative test and then an additional couple of years to make sure. Bleh!
On a really positive note: 2.5 weeks into aqua class and it is amazing. Seriously amazing. I am short of breath and feel my core (I never knew I had one of those!) after each session and am quite convinced that the trainers are drill sergeants in disguise, but I recover quickly and with little pain. I look forward to my 3 times a week class and am slowly considering a few more of the deep water type to up the game. Not for another couple of weeks though! I am feeling positive about this and the desire to do more underscores this.
I am not considering land exercise yet. The thought of that makes me cringe and debate my sanity.
I am hoping we get the vaccine rolling quicker here in Aus. Some delays and setbacks have pushed dates back and I just want it done and dusted now. I want to be able to not have an anxiety attack each time I think about having to get back on public transport, or how close people stand or just my relative safety inside stores. I want to not have to think super carefully about where I go in the gym because I do not want to be too exposed.
So circling back – my moments, 1 per day, are adding up. It shows me that no matter how bad something is, it is just for a moment, not a lifetime. The good moments far outweigh the bad ones. Even simple things like being grateful for a rainy day or a sunny day, or the sunflower you see on the road on the way to an appointment. Collecting those moments allows me to step back and evaluate what I am placing value on and in. It helps realign what I want vs what the world says I should have. Nothing super insightful, but always good to remember.
I’ll leave you with this image. The two pups at their most adorable … the rest of the time they are typical teens!